Coffeeshop Date
by Caribous
Summary: [The Neglected Shrine 01] Nishikino Maki meets her idol girlfriend at a coffee shop. they reminisce about the past
1. Coffeeshop Date

**Coffeeshop Date**

At the coffee shop she liked because the parfaits and ice cream didn't have a big ice cube under them diluting them with water as you ate, if you had to wait, Nishikino Maki waited.

She sipped her cappuccino - the espresso was already gone, it was just foam now. She looked up, and her much younger-looking girlfriend appeared in the opened doorway, almost a half hour late.

"Sorry, something came up with the little ones. Mama had to work, so I made them dinner so they could focus on their homework and studying - they have tests coming up."

She looked a little tired, her red eyes showed a little exhaustion. It was incongruous in someone who still looked like a first-year, especially with her pigtails and red ribbons.

Maki might have questioned her, earlier. Might have complained.

But she knew, now, that getting into a good school was the only way out of the poverty the Yazawa family lived in, for the younger children. It gave a grim edge to her girlfriend's burning ambition to shine as an idol, too. In addition to wanting to make their family, even the ones who weren't around any more, proud. It was also a simple matter of survival.

The kiss she gave Maki was quick and discreet as she sat down and grabbed a menu. She actually knew it by heart but it was a nice tool to distract attention - and it was all done too quickly to see if she was kissing Maki on the lips or the cheek.

The conversation meandered, waxing a bit nostalgic as was their tendency lately.

"Oh, remember the first time I visited your home?"

"Yeah the little ones were all over you. And they bugged me for a week afterward - when is Maki-chan coming again?"

"Even though I was furious about you calling us backup dancers?"

"Yeah, I guess they knew how much Nico-ni likes Maki. Or Yazawas are just weak to Nishikino charm."

Then later:

"I still do it sometimes, you know. The whole Nico-nico-ni! thing."

"Well, don't do it for me."

"When we do the reunion, of course I'm gonna do it. You might like it better than you think."

"Why do you still like it so much?"

"Well, for one thing, our father taught it to Nico-ni before he died. It's one of our few strong memories of him. The littlest ones don't remember but they've been told about it often enough they feel they do."

Maki felt a little guilty, as she always did, but it was a helpless feeling.

 _Nico had had one blow after another. The parent she was closest to dying, leaving them penniless. Having to become a parent to her younger siblings when she was still a child herself. Not being able to get into a school that had classes or clubs for singing or performing. Her initial trial at starting a group at their school, the years of isolation and rejection and heartbreak. Missing the first Love Live, almost losing everything before the second._

"But we won, we won. Despite everything the universe could do, Nico won," she thought.

"You're smiling."

"Yeah, remembering the Live we won."

"One of the highlights of my life, just being there, let alone having Muse win - and it's one reason I'll always love the Muse girls."

 _But then, Muse broke up, of course, and Nico had to choose - and she chose a performing college that, even with her scholarship, still required her to work full time. It was only with Maki's encouragement and even bullying that Nico had had a selection of colleges to pick from, naturally. The pressure, the exhaustion must have been tremendous, but Nico never talked about it._

"Now you're sad. Listen. We deserve happy times. I've earned them. You've earned them. I'm happy being with you. I don't over-think it, and you need to stop, too."

"I'm grateful to have you. So grateful. I think some days you're all that gets me out of bed ..."

"It's supposed to go the other way, Maki-chan!" she said with an impish grin.

"Hey, I'm serious. But I still don't understand why you are okay with me."

"Oh, just because you're still obsessing about your past relationship with another girl that I'm just a rebound, fill-in, substitute for?" She traced her hand over the menu as if she were reading lines in a thesaurus.

"No, you know you're more than that to me. But yeah, some of that."

"I'm just fine with you, Maki. Don't sell us short, I think we understand each other better than anyone else in the world understands us, including our families ...

... also, I think I was a little in love with you from the first day we met. Not that I'd have admitted anything. So I'm willing to take the bitter with the sweet."

A waitress came by and they ordered a parfait to split. Maki got another cappuccino and her girlfriend got an Americano. Nobody in Japan with any taste ordered brewed coffee, despite what animes like Gochuumon might imply, she thought.

The waitress was a little hesitant.

"Yazawa-san," she said, taking a breath and gathering her courage. "Just a second."

She went over to the cashier area and pulled out what was obviously the jacket for a 7-inch vinyl pressing.

"Onegai?" she said, endearingly.

"My goodness, Maki, we've found another Kotori!"

"Good thing Umi isn't around," Maki smirked, as her girlfriend signed with the distinct signature she'd practiced and practiced at home (Maki would have rolled her eyes, but she'd gotten over being superior about this stuff early in her time with Nico).

"And you don't need to call me Yazawa-san like that, don't be so formal, you can use my name," Maki heard, followed by a giggle.

"Oh, thank you, then .."

But at that moment the blushing waitress, who'd been neglecting other customers, was called back impatiently to her duties.

"Super-idols get all the girls!" she said happily, looking over at Maki impishly. "Better watch out, Maki-chan!"

"It's because you were so good about there having been 'another woman,' I think ... that's why I love you so much," Maki said, looking very serious."

 _It still hurts. Physically, I mean._

It's psychosomatic. Maki wakes up and it feels like someone punched her in the stomach. Hard.

"I think for me it's because I love you so much, that's why I am so good about there having been another woman. So we match!"

They smiled at each other.

Then later:

"I'm taller."

"You aren't."

"I am! A centimeter, but it counts!"

"Speaking as a future physician, I can say you've grown 1% if so."

Maki was swatted with a menu.

"I am comfortable, now," she said. "Talking about it. It's not obsessing, any more, and it's not denial that our dreams - that everything ended."

"Hey, Maki-chan, we're in the same boat. I loved her too, never forget. I'll never forget the bond we had during those years when the Idol Research Club was just one sad, lonely person - before you even knew any of us - even Rin and Hanayo. She was a big part of my world. We did a lot together - we went on shopping dates, cried on each other's shoulders, and told each other our secrets. In a lot of ways, she was my whole world. And I only met you through her."

"She never outgrew that girlish cuteness, did she? That restless energy, that innocence, somehow."

"Nope, Maki. That's how I think of her now. As still just a girl, with a girl's fears, and hopes, and wishes. And secrets."

Maki's hand twitched a little hearing that word.

"You look more like her now, you know."

"I don't mind. It's a good look for us Yazawas. It feels like I'm building on her efforts, you know, instead of just tossing them away. And I don't mind looking the way she would have when I get older, either."

"But you're you, and nobody but you, and that's who I love, Cocoro. You and you alone."

"You and me together."

Irrepressible.


	2. Atashi no koto no yume mite ne!

**Atashi no koto no yume mite ne!**

 _ **Asahi de megasameru made**_  
 _ **Dō ka sutekina yume o mite**_  
 _ **Nayami koto wa min'na wasurete**_  
 _ **Tanoshī yume o mirunda yo**_  
 _ **Dakedo don'na yume o mite ite mo**_  
 _ **Hon'nosukoshi de kamawanai kara**_  
 _ **Atashi no koto o omoidashite ne***_

Cocoro was worried about Maki. In other words, it was a day like any other day. But ..

She looked in the mirror, and a worried, classically Yazawa-faced girl looked back at her.

Was it a little more worrisome, lately? Maki-chan had said she was moving on and had finally come to terms with the personal tragedy the two women shared. But it didn't feel that way to Cocoro.

Maybe - very probably - it was the upcoming reunion. She'd convinced Maki that it would restore her bonds with the other girls and help to exorcise some ghosts at the same time. By which she did not mean Nico. Memories of her were going to be with them for the rest of their lives. But the old pain was going to struggle before leaving. It had been inside Maki for a long, long time, making itself at home.

Their coffeeshop date a few days ago had gone well. No doubt about it. They'd talked very normally and very openly. There wasn't any guilt hovering over Maki, not anymore. Cocoro knew - in her bones - that Nico would have wanted this. She loved Maki, and she loved Cocoro, and if they eased each other's pain, that's what Nico would have demanded. Maki had always felt conflicted.

Look at me, up there, Maki - she thought. Look at me, and remember. Yes, you had a lover - a soul-mate - and she's gone. But it was worth all the pain you're in. Before Nico pulled you out of your shell, you were living your whole life with gloves on. And I am going to carry on in the same way. Look over at me when we're on stage, doing what she did. Feel all that pain, because at least you know you're alive. At least you know you cared. You won't be able to make that don't-care deadpan face about this one. I want you to smile a little, too. She always said the #1 job of an idol is to smile when you don't feel like it, and force yourself not just to do it, but mean it.

Cocoro's face got its determined look.

I knew my sister, Maki-chan. If it was you. If you were gone. She'd start every show - every one, every time - by saying to herself "This is for Maki because she can't be here, and I have to be my best for her. I hope she can see me in Heaven." So do it for her. I won't mind.

Cocoro decided to bring her diary to school with her - she had a two-hour break today and could organize her thoughts and reflect on her situation at the student center. Even though she was almost 3 years younger, she had to be the calm center for her often emotionally volatile girlfriend. Journal entries helped a lot.

She brushed her hair, worn down, put her non-corrective glasses on, and headed for school.

On the train, she mused over a dream she'd had the night before. Maybe writing in her diary would help her remember it. She took it out to flip through it and remind herself where in the diary she'd stopped the last time. On the front it said "Nikki-chan's imouto. I belong to Yazawa Cocoro." Nico called her diary Nikki-chan. Maki had it now, but Cocoro had read it. Most of it was rather sad.

Cocoro found the place where the writing stopped. It looked odd to her somehow. Like her writing was off, but not like she was agitated or tired. It was just subtly different. So, what had she been writing about? She couldn't remember very well.

"I don't envy you, younger me. On the one hand, you have to be much gentler than Maki and the agencies and the school were, because Nico is very fragile. On the other hand, you have to confront her on her tendency not to say anything and not to take care of herself. And of course, if she asks where all this came from, she won't believe you for a second."

It wasn't anything she remembered writing, and yes, somehow it was reminding her of her dream. She flipped back and saw pages of writing she didn't remember doing. Had she been so stressed she was spacing out?

At school, she ran into Yukiho and Alisa. Alisa and Cocoro had been excited about going to a school that had good performing arts programs. Yukiho had gone here to stay in touch with Alisa, and also, as Alisa had said trying to get her to go there, so she could be just like her onee-chan. Yukiho clearly saw the school as more work than fun, but getting through it together was a big help. She didn't really know their status, but if either of them had dated someone else, Cocoro didn't know about it. She was a couple of years behind them, but she didn't think she was any less mature than her two sempais.

At any rate, it'd been a while since they got together, so they decided to meet up when Cocoro had her break. She decided to chat wth them about her dream and her diary mystery. After what had happened to Nico, and seeing how fragile being isolated had made Maki, Cocoro had a phobia about closing herself off and having a lot of secrets.

Thanks to her sister, Cocoro had had a happy childhood. So, unlike Nico, she didn't feel compelled to periodically slack off and spoil herself in school. She stayed on an even keel, and if she didn't get grades as good as Maki's in subjects as tough as hers, she was still a good student who rarely worried about her classes.

She chatted with her fellow students after the class just before her break, but kept an eye on the time on her phone watch. She made it to the pre-arranged table in the student center at the same time as Yukiho and Alisa did.

"So," she said, after they all got coffee. "I have been getting my thoughts in order about Maki and the reunion performance. I was going to organize my thoughts with my diary, but now I have some mysteries to solve."

"Mysteries sounds interesting," Alisa said. Yukiho looked somewhat interested, as well.

"For one thing I had a dream, I think the same kind of dream on two or three nights, and I can't remember it when I wake up."

Yukiho said she had had something like that once. Alisa nodded, she had had that happen as well.

"But the real mystery is, when I opened my diary, the recent entries are ones I don't remember writing at all."

"That really sounds like stress, Cocoro-chan," Yukiho said. She knew first-hand, from dealing with her older sister Honoka, what letting stress build up could do to someone. Alisa agreed with Yukiho.

"You said you were getting your thoughts together about Maki and the concert, and that's a lot of stress already, right?" Alisa asked.

"You don't always know how stressed you are, Cocoro-chan," Yukiho continued. "My sister is proof of that, and I don't want to bring it up, but it does run in your family, too."

Cocoro wasn't stubborn, or not about this. "Well, I wonder," she said.

Yukiho said "If you decide you need help or want to talk more, later. Especially about the concert."

Cocoro didn't feel convinced it was about that, on second thought.

"Must .. do .. concert... must ... not ... tell ... anyone ... oh ... what ... am .. I doing ... on the ground..."

Yukiho's ability to imitate her sister had always been pitch-perfect.

Alisa and Cocoro both laughed, and Cocoro promised to keep touching base with them both.

"But anyway, I should show you the last entry, it's really weird. I don't mind discussing it, and I couldn't agree more that burying a possible problem is the worst way to deal with it."

She opened it up to where she'd seen the last unfamiliar entry. There was one line after it that she didn't remember seeing even that morning. The writing looked like her handwriting from several years ago:

"I don't understand this. I don't understand what's going on. Am I going crazy?"

Cocoro appreciated the sentiment, because she absolutely didn't remember writing THAT.

Alisa and Yukiho saw Cocoro go pale with shock and drop her journal.

It was worrisome. That morning, Yazawa Cocoro had felt like she was going crazy. There were all these lines in her diary that she didn't remember writing. They seemed to be tied in with an ominous dream she couldn't remember, even though she tried hard. It was about her sister, and her friend Maki. And it was scary.

She decided thinking you were going crazy was worse than openly writing it down and considering it. It reminded her of how Nico had talked to them about Papa's death. The younger ones were told that a place called Heaven had called Papa and he had to go, and he wasn't allowed to even say goodbye. That they'd see him again someday but not soon. Needless to say, the way Heaven did things didn't sit well with them ever since. Sometimes, just in case, they waved to the sky because Papa was watching. But Cocoro and Nico eventually had a talk.

"Sister, it helps me sometimes to write things down. I go less crazy chasing my own thoughts." She had put her grief aside and bought Nikki-imouto-chan for Cocoro.

She was right. Writing down all her sad, despairing, crazy, angry thoughts had calmed Cocoro down. Somehow, when you wrote something down, it became more real. Which hurt. But then you could go on with life somehow.

Cocoro set her jaw and pulled out her diary. There was more writing in it that she didn't remember putting there. Worse, it didn't entirely look like her handwriting. More like someone doing a good job of imitating it, but being a bit forgetful here and there.

Resolutely, she wrote, on the facing page:

"I don't understand this. I don't understand what's going on. Am I going crazy?"

That was the question.

Maki was worried about Nico. That was usual, these days. In addition to seeing signs that she was under too much stress, there were ominous dreams Maki'd had lately. She couldn't remember them, but she felt like they were about Nico. And for some reason, one of the dreams felt like it was about a younger Nico that she'd never met.

Maki wondered if she wasn't projecting onto Nico a little. After all, there was a little note at the top of the homework she'd done last night. A note she didn't remember writing.

"You should get a journal. You should do it today. It's important, Maki."

It was probably a bad idea to start to do what the voices - well, notes in this case - told you to do. So she would not, in fact, get a journal. She should probably talk it over with someone.

Nico? Well, eventually. But worrying over her sanity would only stress Nico out more. Her parents? They were already dubious about virtually everything Maki was doing now. That wouldn't help. Rin and Hanayo might be good candidates - she felt a little bad putting it on them. The rest of the µ's girls she really didn't feel comfortable with, enough to spill her guts, anyway. Although, this kind of did seem like Nozomi's cup of tea. Still, that thought made the rational Maki cringe.

Also, wasn't being deathly afraid of following the advice of your unconscious about as bad as following it? With a sinking feeling, she realized the idea of setting her thoughts in order in a journal was starting to appeal to her.

No. That way led down a bad road. At the end what would the notes want? Human sacrifice? Running around the city naked? Maki's thoughts filled with all sorts of dire possibilities. But then again, wasn't that an obsessive thought? There was just one note, she'd been both tired and stressed lately. And the suggestion was reasonable.

If worst came to worst and she felt like she was really losing her grip, she could point to, presumably, increasingly deranged diary entries as proof that she needed help, if she sought it.

Feeling a lot like this cycle of threat and reward was how all obsessive-compulsives got started, she nonetheless left the house, went back to the station and to a bookstore near it and purchased a daybook.

On the short local trip back, she wrote her first entry.

"Today I bought this journal with mixed emotions. I am stressing out over Nico, I am stressing out over how much I am stressing out, and I feel guilty because I am the one who has been pushing Nico and putting most of the stress on her, and for quite a while now. I was really pleased when she got accepted into an excellent performing arts school. However, she hasn't had a chance to relax at all in over a year, and once she hits the school she will be studying and performing non-stop. I don't think that's good for her. It's the first time I've admitted this, so my thought of getting a journal is not all bad.

This morning before school I found a note, written in my handwriting, that I didn't remember, saying I had to get a journal. So this new hobby had its origins in craziness."

She saw she had a text from Nico. Her usual, lovely, light-hearted, teasing banter. She was telling Maki apologetically that she'd been neglecting her and they both needed to touch base. Maki texted back that they should have coffee tomorrow after Maki was done with school. Nico agreed, with her long string of niconico emojis.

Maki set her jaw. She had suddenly decided that tomorrow they needed to sort a few things out over coffee. Or maybe cocoa, she didn't think she could have this discussion with Nico calmly if her veins were humming with stimulants. But somehow, she suddenly felt a wave of relief. As if something was breaking loose that needed to break loose.

Maki was a bit worried about Cocoro. They were having another informal date, and her idol girlfriend was, basically, spacing out. Moreover, she was looking over at Maki a couple of times as if she wanted to say something desperately, but had no idea how to say it. Neither was a good sign, probably. Maki gave a noticeable sigh and was reaching for Cocoro's hand.

Then it happened. What "it" was, Maki didn't know. She just knew she had a sudden, strange, uncanny feeling. It went through her like a chilly wind. Looking over at Cocoro, she was sure she'd just felt the same thing. Maki looked all around. No one else in the coffee shop had even blinked.

"Did you feel that?" Cocoro said, in a kind of stage whisper.

"I .. I did, Cocoro. What did you feel?"

"Like a ghost walked over where my grave will be."

"Oh, nice image for your girlfriend, Cocoro. This is why I won't watch scary movies with you."

"Fine fine. But what WAS that?"

"I don't know. It was real or both of us wouldn't have felt it. But it was confined to our area, or these other people - " Maki swept her hand around in a half circle "would have felt it, too. I've never felt anything like it. Ever"

"Me either .. it's hard to describe. In a way, it reminds me of some dreams I've been having lately, Maki."

"Oh, my goodness," Maki looked up and looked Cocoro in the face.

"Wait, you too? Can you remember them?"

"No, I think I was dreaming about Nico, so I didn't think there was any point in telling you. You've already heard enough about that from me."

"But did you remember an eerie feeling, too?"

"In the dream? Sorry, I just don't remember enough. I could agree, but I might be editing my memory to mesh with your suggestion."

"Well, anyway, Maki-chan, I had a similar, but weaker, much weaker, feeling when I woke up. And when I saw some strange things written in my journal, I had that feeling again. I'm glad you felt it this time, or I'd worry about my sanity even more."

Maki was silent.

After a while Cocoro took her hand.

"What?"

"I had that exact thing. There were things written in my journal I didn't write, or didn't recall writing."

"Wow, this is becoming unsettling."

"There's something else, Cocoro. I always stack my work neatly by the bed, you know that. When I woke up, my papers were scattered. Kind of in the direction of my desk. Where my journal was."

"So you were .. sleepwalking?" Cocoro asked. Then, suddenly, "Oh! I get it. You were maybe sleep-WRITING as well. I am not as neat as you so I would have a hard time proving it, but that would explain my situation, too."

Then Cocoro remembered something.

"Maki, this isn't really the first time this has happened to me, you know."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, when Nico was alive I had the same kind of thing, anyway. I remembered those dreams a little, the feeling, anyway. It was like Nico was there, wanting to write in my diary. But it wasn't Nico. It just looked like her. But sure enough, when I woke up, ''she'' had written in my journal. I was scared to tell anyone, and it eventually stopped."

"When Nico was alive, huh? ..." Maki trailed off. She looked sad and thoughtful.

"Honey, I'm always going to be here for you, okay?"

"No, it's not ... it's not just that. When was this?"

"This?"

"Your dreams, and your journal. How long before ..."

"Months, I think."

"Well, you won't believe this, but..."

"You, too?"

Maki paused. "Well, not at first, since I didn't have a journal let alone a hobby of writing in one every day. Instead, one day I found a note at the top of my homework saying I had to get a journal right away. Against my better judgment, I did."

"And the dreams?"

"Yes, I had similar dreams for a couple of days in a row, on separate occasions, that I couldn't remember. They were about me, and Nico. There was another person, but I didn't see another Nico. I saw another Maki. Or at least that's the vague recollection I could recover."

"Do you remember anything about her?"

"Her as in me?"

"Yes, her as in you," Cocoro said with a smile.

"Again, just a feeling. she was older ... sadder .. much sadder."

"Oh."

"If I thought such things existed, I would have called them premonitions. Warnings about the future to come. But those don't really happen."

"And where in that picture is invisible shuddery forces that pass through our bodies - both of ours - even though I wasn't even looking at you?"

"So, even before that, is that what you were working up your courage to talk about?"

"Maybe. First I wanted to talk about you and how you're still so tired and overwhelmed."

"Fine. I am so tired, and so overwhelmed. Thank you for noticing, Cocoro. Now, should we, literally I mean, compare notes?"

"Maybe, maybe not. I want ..."

There it was again. It must be Cocoro's time to be afraid to raise subjects with Maki.

"Spit it out."

"I want to go to the professionals."

"You want to what? What does that even mean?"

"I realize that this is not for you, Maki. I would never judge, I love you totally because of everything you are. But we both know someone that does feel at home with things like this."

Maki said a name questioningly, Cocoro definitively.

"Nozomi?!"

Maki was glad some foreboding had caused her to order cocoa at the last minute. Even without stimulants, she could feel her blood pressure rising. But looking over at her dear little companion, at her hopeful, pleading face, she knew where they would be heading soon.

Maki gave another long sigh. This one admitted defeat.

* * *

 **Notes:**

*Sweet dreams **  
**'Til sunbeams find you  
Sweet dreams  
That leave all worries behind you  
But in your dreams  
Whatever they be  
Dream a little dream of me.

 _ **"Dream a Little Dream of Me"**_

Translation by Vestige. Not very literal but its imagery is nice and fits the story. Closest I could get to "Dream a Little Dream of Me" and not be, as a Japanese friend said, "way overthinking it and making it much too long for a song title," is "Atashi no koto no yumemite ne" which is close to what Vestige did - theirs just means "Think about me" Also for sweet dreams, which is said as "good dreams" "ii yume" in Japanese normally, Vestige used "fun dreams" which fits my story well.


End file.
